just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
It's official drugs can't kill me
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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