I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
