Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
