my room smells like sperm. sweet.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
