i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
