I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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