you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
