its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I want to fling myself into the sun
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
