yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
