I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
