There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
