Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
