If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
