Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
