Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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