bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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