Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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