Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
