he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
