??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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