So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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