I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
