I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
