There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
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