You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
