dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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