Apparently you make a good broom.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I see more hoeing in ur future
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
