yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
