you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
