turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
