SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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