I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
