White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
