I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
