This is not my ceiling
one two three fourrrrnication!
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
