I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
