Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
