He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
