You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
