It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
All the doctor said was why
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
