Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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