You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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