so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
