i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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