man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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