I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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