blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
