That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I just found a bag of teeth...
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
