You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
