By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
