please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
