Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
