So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
