some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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