I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
