my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
