but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize