It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
