Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Someone shattered a urinal.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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