that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
