I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
