i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
