My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
