I'm laying in your front yard are you home
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize