The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
