I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
