My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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