I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
