He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
