I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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