really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
