Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
