A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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