waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
