Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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